Is it the 'pay-back' time....?
I always see in social media posts, that the present day youngsters are not taking care of their parents. It is probably true to some extent. But before we point our accusing finger at the children of the parents, we need to probe into various circumstantial details.
Those days (when the present day parents were in their youth), each family had at least 4 or more children. Even the grandparents were living with them. The children were taught moral stories (bed times were meant for that) by the grandparents. Though sibling rivalry was prevalent among the children, 'give and take policy, 'value of tolerance', 'that we cannot get everything we ask for' were understood by the children, when they were growing up. A rare camaraderie existed among the siblings.
Even if one brother cannot take up the responsibility of looking after their parents (in their autumn years), another brother would step in. In some families, they even had a rotating system vide which each brother will take care of their parents in turn. Though it might not have worked properly, still the parents had an abode. And, life in general was not hectic, the way it is now. When the father or the mother fell sick, it was invariably the daughters who came to look after them. So, till their demise, someone or the other could render their services to look after the parents.
Now let us look at the other side of the coin. As a norm, these days, there is just one child and in very rare case, there are two children. Of course, there are various reasons that could be attributed to this phenomenon. The world is highly competitive. Each moment is precious and no one can afford to waste it, lest your peers will overtake you. Life goes on at a break-neck pace! And it is not just the man. His wife too has to work to fulfill the dreams of their only child. They do not want their son or daughter to get disappointed. The child demands and she/he gets it! Anything in the world will be delivered at your 'door-step'. I do not advocate this kind of treating the child, which may lead to future disasters for the son/daughter.
This being the case, where is the time for the man or his wife to allocate time to look after the parents? Your parents will need at least a few minutes of your quality time every day. The situation will be still worse if it is a single parent. She/he has to talk only to the wall! Even the couple's child will be groomed by the 'baby-sitter'. In most of the cases the baby-sitters will become healthy...., you know what I mean. Money is everything. Worldly comforts are important (how can we live without them?!).
How could we blame only the son, for not taking care of the parents? Can we blame the society and the world as such? Things have changed (for better or worse!!) completely. We cannot escape the change and we have to adapt to it. The changed situation is irrevocable now. We cannot go back to 'old times'. So, it is for the present day parents to look after them by themselves, as much as possible. As far as possible, keep a flowing revenue (through some odd job, or bank interest...) and meet your expenses. Never bequeath all your wealth and cash to your wards till you are alive. Try to develop a habit through which the boredom (due to your son's lack of attention) does not affect you so much. Change your mindset. Accept the present scenario. Don't blame your son. He is not the only son (in the world), not being able to look after the parents.
Those days (when the present day parents were in their youth), each family had at least 4 or more children. Even the grandparents were living with them. The children were taught moral stories (bed times were meant for that) by the grandparents. Though sibling rivalry was prevalent among the children, 'give and take policy, 'value of tolerance', 'that we cannot get everything we ask for' were understood by the children, when they were growing up. A rare camaraderie existed among the siblings.
Even if one brother cannot take up the responsibility of looking after their parents (in their autumn years), another brother would step in. In some families, they even had a rotating system vide which each brother will take care of their parents in turn. Though it might not have worked properly, still the parents had an abode. And, life in general was not hectic, the way it is now. When the father or the mother fell sick, it was invariably the daughters who came to look after them. So, till their demise, someone or the other could render their services to look after the parents.
Now let us look at the other side of the coin. As a norm, these days, there is just one child and in very rare case, there are two children. Of course, there are various reasons that could be attributed to this phenomenon. The world is highly competitive. Each moment is precious and no one can afford to waste it, lest your peers will overtake you. Life goes on at a break-neck pace! And it is not just the man. His wife too has to work to fulfill the dreams of their only child. They do not want their son or daughter to get disappointed. The child demands and she/he gets it! Anything in the world will be delivered at your 'door-step'. I do not advocate this kind of treating the child, which may lead to future disasters for the son/daughter.
This being the case, where is the time for the man or his wife to allocate time to look after the parents? Your parents will need at least a few minutes of your quality time every day. The situation will be still worse if it is a single parent. She/he has to talk only to the wall! Even the couple's child will be groomed by the 'baby-sitter'. In most of the cases the baby-sitters will become healthy...., you know what I mean. Money is everything. Worldly comforts are important (how can we live without them?!).
How could we blame only the son, for not taking care of the parents? Can we blame the society and the world as such? Things have changed (for better or worse!!) completely. We cannot escape the change and we have to adapt to it. The changed situation is irrevocable now. We cannot go back to 'old times'. So, it is for the present day parents to look after them by themselves, as much as possible. As far as possible, keep a flowing revenue (through some odd job, or bank interest...) and meet your expenses. Never bequeath all your wealth and cash to your wards till you are alive. Try to develop a habit through which the boredom (due to your son's lack of attention) does not affect you so much. Change your mindset. Accept the present scenario. Don't blame your son. He is not the only son (in the world), not being able to look after the parents.
Of course, when the parents do not have any income or they become very sick, somehow the son has to look after his parents. Making them live in "Old age homes" is not correct, as the same fate may await you, a few years from now. It is your bounden duty, having been groomed by your parents to the present status.
The strength of our Indian culture was the joint family system. All young ( inclusing physically or mentally disabled, sick) and old were taken care off financially and emotionally by the family system. We have many instances where the parents die at an young age and the children are taken care by their Periappa/Chithappa or Maternal uncle. This Joint family syatem worked well in the absense of a Social Security system as in the west.
ReplyDeleteWhen the joint family system gave way to nuclear family due to necessacity to move away from native place due to Job etc. the elder brother or sister took upon the the parent's role in the absense of parents.
The present single child family arrangement, where both father & mother work, the child is left to to day-care or Aayaa and development of emotional bonding at the young age with parent is missing. The parents also are responsible for not inculcating our culture and value systems.
While the parents spend their entire working life to provide good education to the children and take good care of the financial aspects of the children, the adoption of western education and life style do not help in developing the strong emotional bonding.
When the parents become old or sick, the children see them as a burden in their life. Many are prepared to put them in old age home or engage home nurse & take care of them financially. But the care to meet their emotional needs is missing.
In the west , the parents do not even spend for the children's higher education (the children have to take care of themselves by part-time work or loan). In their old age Social Security takes care of them finacially, they also do not expect children to take care of them.
However, in the Indian context, the parents spend thier life time earning on bringing up the child and for his/her higher education, So it is the moral ( if not legal) responsibility of the children to take care of the parents at their old age. Many of the present day youngters take all the support from parents till they become adult & independent, but do not fulfill their moral responsibility toward their parents at their old age. This has to change by bringing suitable value systems in their education and social oblications.
Thank you Sankaran for your clear views on the subject. I think they should re-introduce 'moral education' in our school curriculum, as early as possible. The children these days are growing up without knowing anything about values. All they know is materialistic things. Thanks, once again.
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